I did a big compilation of Beavis and Butt-Head  videos like a year ago.  Here’s a bunch I found since then.

“WHOAH!  Is this the Weather Channel?”  “The forecast is partially cool.”

“What a jack-butt-munch-ass-dumb-butt.”

“She looks like that chick who used to be young and had big hooters, and then got married to that dude and does commercials for the Korean institute…”

“Is this a commercial?”  “Yeah, for MTV’s House of Butt.”

“You know, maybe if they put more suck bands in prison, people would not want to go there.”

“Hayell yeah!  HAYELL YEAH!”

“But it’s like I’m always telling them, ‘If meat’s bad for you, then how come it’s food?'”

“Okay, Beavis.  You’ll be thinking about loogies and I’ll be slapping around my gigantic schlong.”

“I’m getting sick and tired of all these smartass videos where there’s all these college dudes and they’re in the water and they’re being all smartass”

“These guys were like always calling each other nerds, because I think that was back before they’d invented words like butt-munch.”

“He’s Lemmy. He can walk into any damn video he wants.”

“Dammit, Butt-Head, SHUT UP!  I am a firework!  I’m an M-80!”

“I think this is supposed to be her dad.  He’s like,’ Should never have sent that kid to Hogwarts.'”

“You know, I kind of feel sorry for these guys, because it’s probably not their fault they suck so much.”

“Hey Butt-Head, what is love?”  “It’s like, when you get a stiffie for a really long time.”

“Check it out, he’s watching TV.”  “Yeah.  And we’re watching TV, so it’s like we’re watching two TVs for the price of one.”

“You know, these are nice colors, all kind of orangey…”

“It takes a lot more than bears to make a video cool, Beavis.”

“Is this like, a commercial for VH1?”

“Hey Butt-Head, where’s Seattle?”  “You don’t know?  It’s this place where like, stuff is really cool.”

“I think that four-year-old has the same dad as you.  Remember when he shoved his Power Rangers up your butt?”

These chicks should marry GWAR.”

“This video is cool and everything, but it’s been giving me nightmares.”

“He’s saying all his friends are turds.  He’s telling his friends that they suck.”

“How come these guys are playing out in the mud?”  “Well, it’s either because they’re really stupid or really cool.”

“Get off the ground and stop whining, you wuss!”

“It’s like, he can’t write songs, but he sure can sing.”

“Dammit, I’m sick of seeing videos set in school.  If I wanted to see videos in school, I’d go to school and watch TV!”

“This chick’s pretty hot, but she has a tendency to wear too many clothes.”

“What language is this?”  “I think it’s French, or Mexican or something.”

“I think this is supposed to be freaking us out, but I’m unfreaked.  In fact, this video is making me feel totally normal.  If i turned on the TV and this was on, I’d be, ‘Yep, this is what I thought I was gonna see.'”

“This guy keeps saying wants a woman, but it’s like, I want a woman too, but I’m not out there singing some crappy song about it.”

“Oh no, it’s another one of these.”  “It’s like they’re not even trying.”

“Yeah!  Greta’s got quite a unit on him.”

“That is NOT Wolverine, Butt-Head.”

“Look, it’s Mrs. Doubt-FIRE!”

“…and I want you to open your eyes.  And I want you to look at me.  Now baby…do you think you could do me?  Oh.  I see you brought some friends.”

“This is still on?  That pisses me off.”

“Right now, David wishes he had his old job back.”  “Right now, David is planning to kill Sammy Hagar.”

“We should start a band and call it ‘Butt-Head Butt-Head’.”

“If you play this backwards, it says ‘This sucks.'”

“I don’t like videos that suck.”

“I think this is the Jesus and Mary Chain.”  “Stop cursing, Butt-Head!”

“Is this a deodorant commercial?”

“Well, I’ll be hornswoggled and dipped in turds!”

“That looks like that dude from Deliverance.”

“Hey Butt-Head, remember when these guys were cool?”  “Uhhhhh…no.”

“Oh no, is this Yanni?”

“You LIKE this!”

“Come on, let’s play cards”

“I think this is Seinfeld.”

“Hey Butt-Head, I know I talk about turds a lot, but…these things really look a lot like turds.”

“It’s like this video looks pretty cool, but the sound sucks.”

“This video’s all serious.”  “Yeah, it seriously sucks.”

“If I had boobs like that, I’d never leave the house.”

“All right, Montel Williams!  Maybe he’ll have some whores!”

“This chick needs to stop whining.”

“That guy looks like a cheerleader.  ‘All those years of hard work and practicing moves in the garage pay off when you see those smiling faces in the audience!'”

“I KNOW A GUY!  HIS HAIR IS ORANGE!  HE SUCKS!”

“They need to show like a big, violent butthole.”

“Check it out Butt-Head, it’s Mallory!  It’s that chick from FAMILY TIES!”

“This guy is FOREIGN.”

Here are the most best things I wrote this past year.  I think this averages out to one great piece per week.  I am pleased by this.

COMIC BOOKS

The Strange History of Marvel Comics’ ULTIMATE ADVENTURES with Hawk-Owl and Woody

Peter Milligan and Brendan McCarthy, Pt.1

Milligan and McCarthy, Pt.2

Jeffrey Brown on VADER’S LITTLE PRINCESS, A MATTER OF LIFE and More

BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES 21st Anniversary

Paul Pope on BATTLING BOY

GRENDEL Retrospective with Matt Wagner, 1

GRENDEL Retrospective, 2

Fantagraphics Reprints Crockett Johnson’s BARNABY

Nick Offerman of PARKS AND RECREATION talks AXE COP, Comics and More

BONE Creator Jeff Smith on Self-Publishing

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD Creator George Romero on EMPIRE OF THE DEAD

Jonathan Hickman and Mike Costa on GOD IS DEAD

Priest and Bright on the Return of QUANTUM AND WOODY

TOYS!

The Many (Toy) Faces of Sylvester Stallone

How to Build Your Dragon: Putting Together Mattel’s MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE Classics Granamyr Toy

Tracking down the ADVENTURE TIME Marshall Lee Plush Toy

Sillof and Patton Owsalt’s FASTER, EMPIRE!  STRIKE!  STRIKE!

Masterpiece Transformers Soundwave

CHILDREN’S BOOKS

Caldecott Winner David Wiesner on MR. WUFFLES

Jhn Agee (LITTLE SANTA) and Loren Long (OTIS)

A look at the musical MARY POPPINS and P.L. Travers’ original books (done in Feb., before SAVING MR. BANKS came out)

Jan Brett on CINDERS

Phyllis Rowan’s THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY

THE DARK IS RISING Author Susan Cooper

In Memorial: E.L. Konigsburg, Author of FROM THE MIXED-UP FILES OF MRS. BASIL E. FRANKWEILER

Zilpha Keatley Snyder on BELOW THE ROOT

Weird Picture Books That I Enjoy

More Weird Children’s Books: The Mushroom Planet, Chicken Trek, Suzuki Beane and More

LOCAL NORTH CAROLINA ARTS

Nice Price Books in Carrboro to Close

SERENA Author Ron Rash on NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY

Craig Zobel on Directing COMPLIANCE

Golden Age Bakery Puts Comics on Cookies

Elizabeth Strout on THE BURGESS BOYS

TV Production in NC with HOMELAND, BANSHEE, UNDER THE DOME and More

INSPECTOR LYNLEY Author Elizabeth George Visits

Attempting to understand CATS in a local production

Local Produce Delivery Startups

COMICS I WROTE:

Unseen REGULAR SHOW Script: “Bad Grammar”

My REGULAR SHOW story “Sombrero World”

Interview on “Sombrero World” in USA Today

Another Interview on “SomBrero World” in the News and Observer

My ADVENTURE TIME Story “Grocery Time” (Pt.1)

My ADVENTURE TIME Story “Grocery Time” (Pt.2)

FREE COMIC: “Decaffeinated” with Thomas Boatwright

MISC. TV

Shows You WON’T See This Fall

31 Loose Ends from Season 4 of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

Dean Norris Talks BREAKING BAD and UNDER THE DOME

Hugh Dancy on HANNIBAL: Season One

Why I Heart Megatron: A Transformers Post

400 or so SIMPSONS Quotes

More than 60 BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD Videos

The anniversary of the end of ST. ELSEWHERE

My Strange Obsession with LAW & ORDER: SVU

MISC. ESSAYS/ORIGINAL COMPILATION POSTS

THE HEARTBREAK KID, SAVE THE DATE and other films for singles on Valentine’s Day

Thunderbirds are Go(ne): A Tribute to Gerry Anderson

Miami Connection: All 230+ Things I Love About this Film

https://zacksmithwriter.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/400-or-so-simpsons-quotes/

NOTE: If youre favorites aren’t on here, it’s becuase I couldn’t find ’em on YouTube.  A lot have been deleted.

“It’s like, people are always putting this guy down and saying that he sucks, but the thing is, he really does suck, and this is one of those times where everybody’s right.”

“Is this Captain Kangaroo?”

“Well, at least he died before they started singing.”

“This butthole keeps saying he can dance, but he can’t dance.”

“YES!  COCHESE!”

“These guys always wear the same clothes. That’s cool. Hey, we always wear the same clothes! I’ve had this shirt on for six months!”

“So it’s like the guy married his son’s daughter, and then his mom married his son, and his son was like…a dork.”

“STOP THAT!  IMPRISONING ME!”

” Dammit. This Nickelodeon crap has gone too far.”

“Hey, remember that time we partied with Anthrax?”

“Why’s that guy eating dinner with those old people?”

“I think even if they had some fire in this video, it would still suck.”

“Is this the Black Crows?”

“DUN-DUN-DUH-NA-DUN!  DUH-NA-NA-NA-NA-DUH-NA-DUN!”

“Now whip it!  Into shape!  Shape it up!  Get straight!”

“These guys understand the importance of a good butt.”

“This guy could kick Iggy Pop’s ass.”

“Is that Snoop Doggy Dogg?”

“Whoah, it’s Crowbar!”  “Oh yeah.  They’re always taking a dump.”

“Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch. Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch.”

“The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!”

“I bet he just scores with chicks, and then just, like, fights alot.”

“Preach on, Brother Cooper!”

“If she doesn’t get naked the first time, she’s never going to get naked.”

“Stop!  Stop in the name of all that which does not suck!”

“It’s a super SUCK group!”

“I realized it was Michael Bolton, and my bowels let loose.”

“He’s smiling at you, Beavis.”

“SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD!  BON JOVI RULES!”

“What’s going on?  Why don’t they just play that cool part the whole song?”

“This song is hard to dance to.”

“This is like, behind the scenes at a crappy band recording session.”

“I think the problem with this video is that it is highly derivative of many popular bands within the genre…”

” I’m gonna put the smackdown on yo’ ass, beotch!”

“Yeah!  YEAH!  Sometimes *I* do stuff and it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to!  And…”


“Boh, boh-boh, boh-boh, boh-boh-boh-boh…boh-buh-ba-boh-boh-boh-boh…”

“Butt-Head, I’m only gonna say this once — if you change the channel I’m going to kick your ass.”


“Get up! Get up, stand up straight, and quit acting like a wuss! Quit whining, go out and get a job and some good clothes!”

“Doin’ mah monkey boy…yeah-ahhhhh…rat-tat-tat-tat dat azz…”

“I guess that would make sense as nothing but diarrhea is coming out of his mouth”

“Check it out. Madonna’s always having sex with herself in these videos.”

“Hey Beavis, did you know that this guy is your dad?”

“Woah!  A video!  Haven’t seen one of these in a while!”

At least if this video was a turd, it would like…be kind of cool.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMIJ–GP-nI

“Well, I guess that’s a good thing because like, nobody likes you. And like, you can like, care about yourself, while I’m off scoring with chicks.”

“Hey, it’s that guy from Damn Yankees!”

“Nothing beats a Butt!”

“YEAH, OKAY!! NOW IT’S HURTING MY EYES AND MY EARS!!”

“You treat your stepmother with respect, Pantera! Or you’ll be sleeping in the street!”

“This is so horrible, I can’t even begin to talk about how much this sucks.”

“This song has the best lyrics I’ve ever heard.”

“Ahhhhhhh, SHUT UP, Butt-Head!”

“I think it’s, like, some kind of country music, but it’s, like, country music after you’ve been, like, playing Centipede for, like, twenty four hours.”

“Lying RULES!”

“They should get this guy on the 16 Minutes show instead of that Mickey Rooney dude they got.  He sucks.”

“The Seminefrious Tubloidial Buttnoids have left your pants.”

“This video is, um, it’s like it’s causing me to influence my behaviour. I’m gonna leave. I’m gonna go into the kitchen and break something.”


“Beavis, shut up. You’ve never been to Compton, you’re never gonna go to Compton, you’re gonna be here for the rest of your life, you’re stupid, you don’t have any money and you’re never gonna score.”

“That dude would probably break a bunch of bones and stuff, but at least he got some.”

“One chick from L7 alone could kick all of their asses combined.”

“But Beavis, Everything DOES suck.”

“Animation is cool.”

” Whoa check it out, they got some of that Keeyotepcate up there, up above that guy’s hands.”

“The message here is: Vince Neil’s a wuss.”

“Sit your ass down Lars! Play the drums like you’re supposed to!”

“These guys got no future.”

“No way!  He said ‘Devil’s Johnson!'”

“It’s like, him and the band all got together and stuff, and said “OK man, tomorrow, we’re gonna wear some really scary scary makeup tomorrow, and it’s gonna be really cool. We’re gonna kick some ass.” But then this dumbass was the only one stupid enough to do it!”